i-would-like-to-leave

Latest Posts by i-would-like-to-leave

The stars were so pretty as he fell. It was like time slowed, and all he could do was stare. He would be one of them, according to some people. A star in the bright sky.

Despite it being only the afternoon, there were so many stars visible, their colours bleeding through the sunny blue to form myriads of colours, greens and purples and pinks. It was so beautiful, the sight almost made what he had done worth it.

He just wanted to be free. Free of the taunts, the interviews, the memories. Kim Dokja could only take so much, and this was where the curtain would close.

He hadn’t intended for this to be his course of action. He had gone to the window to get some air in the brief lapse between classes and his bullies, but his eyes had caught on that sky. That ethereal, enrapturing sky. He wanted to be part of it. He so desperately did.

Before he knew it, the window was open, and he was half out of it. His legs swung, to and fro, to and fro, all his attention still on the great above.

A gust of window brushed past him, he could feel someone staring at him from behind, but could not bring himself to look away. Perhaps he wouldn’t feel it if he did.

The sky called out to him, and he reached out for it. He reached to the point where his balance could not compensate, and he fell. He kept reaching.

He looked up at that sky, and as the wind rushed through the air, he couldn’t look away.

The brightest star of all, leaking through the canvas like a stain, came from right where he had just sat, where a person now stood, a person who looked just like him.

His attention had left the sky. The pain swiftly came, with a sickening crack as his head hit a branch, taking his consciousness, and with another to his chest, his pulse.

I feel that there’s something about the fact that so many orv fanfictions start with that same subway scenario, it playing near verbatim to the original story, ending with no blood being put upon Kim Dokja’s hands.

Everything always comes back to the subway, be it Yoo Joonghyuk’s regressions, the Most Ancient Dream, Surya. And so many fan works start there. So many significant things happen there.

It is the beginning and the end of so many, an ouroboros in its masterpiece.

Doodle I did in class one day

his sanctuary

I’m curious as to what other people’s thoughts on this are, when in orv do you think Kim Dokja gets the ‘Poker Face’ skill?

Going to try and describe this minimally to avoid spoilers but at one point in the story Kim Dokja is doing a Three Question Exchange where he activates this skill, and it is supposed to hide whether or not you are telling the truth from the Lie Detection skill. Thing is, this had never been brought up prior and was never brought up again, so when/how do you think he got it? Mild spoilers for arc names.

Just curious because I know I have my thoughts on it and it makes it so interesting because who knows how many times he has had Lie Detection used on him which he cheated and chosen to not acknowledge it.

hello writers.

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

Petitions - UK Government and Parliament

Petition: Do not stop transgender people from receiving care in mainstream hospital wards

The previous government proposed changes to the NHS constitution which would mean transgender hospital patients in England may not be treate

Well fucks? Get to it!

Folks, backup your Tumblrs, for real this time

I'm thinking of making a temporary server for an ORV book club reread. This would be ideally for those who have read ORV at least once so we can discuss spoilers and stuff during the second read through. We can set up weekly/bi-weekly chapter counts, have discussions, and such.

The server would basically be just to talk about ORV during the time of check-ins and/or placing your thoughts/having discussions while reading. It's not supposed to be a gen chat kind of place or just an ORV fan server, just FYI.

Would people be interested? I was thinking of setting something up for August 1st so those who bought the english novel can start off reading that, but we can consider starting sooner if people want sooner.

Again, this server would only last the length of the reread and is meant for just discussion of the novel/meta commentary/etc for those who have read ORV at least once.

Those who are also interested in continuing into the side stories (which I will be doing as they are the continuation of ORV officially) can also stick around in the server to continue the book club from there. We'll figure out the "how" when we get a bit closer. They are almost as long as ORV is rn (somewhere in the 400-500 chapters fyi)

Doing an interest check.

ur first and last recent emojis are ur gender now. mine is 🅱👨‍❤‍💋‍👨

I am suddenly very interested in reading someone’s fanfiction in which:

Kim Dokja’s Fourth Wall goes into overdrive when he has a panic attack, blurring him so much that he’s either entirely invisible or only a hazy distortion in the air

He endures this a couple of times alone when no one is looking for him

When he panics during an important moment, though, the others notice his absence and look for him

And one of two things happens: either 1) KimCom finds him and is able to protect him well enough for him to come back and be loved on, or 2) only Han Sooyoung finds him, and she uses her writer’s mind to comfort him, tie him back to reality, and help him reconnect with his sense of self rather than dissociating by describing what he looks like, piece by piece, painting a picture of him with her words as if he were a character (just like he tries to be when he copes alone), until he’s there, on his knees in front of her, tear tracks staining the corners of his eyes

I think it’s pretty clear which of those two scenarios I find more compelling, but I think the other could be fleshed out enough to hit pretty hard, too

Basically I want Kim Dokja to feel seen and real and like a meaningful part of the physical world

Whumpril Day 7 - Restless

Also on ao3

Sleep was always a funny thing after regressing. The clock had rewinded, and Yoo Joonghyuk knew he had began everything anew, yet his dreams lingered on his deaths. His dreams also had some unwelcome visitors, a certain prophet crawling through the gap in his normally so sturdy mental barrier.

That was where he found himself now, trapped in a dream, that woman standing above it all, looking down at him as he struggled. He chose not to acknowledge her, as this was not the first time. She seemed to come only to watch him, to see him fail.

In this dream, he was fighting the battle that caused him to regress, something that had occurred this time due to a foolish mistake.

It was a simple scenario, typical find-and-kill the monster mission. But one of his companions, his young protégé, had found themselves in bother, which led Yoo Joonghyuk to look away to check on the girl. She was fine, just a surface level cut on her arm, and as she raised her head she waved over to show she was okay.

This was too big of a distraction. He had repeated this enough times to know she survived that fight. He had repeated enough to learn to never lose focus during an exchange of blows. The death was quick the first time.

The next times were not so much. How cruel was it to have a Stigma that made you repeat everything, in addition to unceasing night terrors that begged of him to go back, that begged him to never had made the mistake in the first place.

He awoke with a jolt, and the pain of a claw in his torso. The nightmare had twisted it so he watched his student be torn apart, with him following shortly after.

He did not fall asleep again that night. He reflected on the mistakes he had made. He continued walking along the lonely path.

Whumpril Day 6 - Distrust

On ao3

They were three years into the apocalypse. Through highs and lows, the Zarathustra had perfectly performed in all Scenarios, guided by their prophet who had experienced it all before.

Selena knew how hard it was on Anna. She knew how the prophet woke in the night, panicking that the regressor was going to kill her, was going to get his revenge. She knew how this led her to plan and plan and plan to get through this hellscape, trying to get a few steps ahead of the Demon King of Salvation’s plots.

She knew a lot of things about her leader, and would always place her trust in her closed off arms. That’s why she didn’t anticipate this.

She knew Anna refused to trust most, did it because she thought no one would put their faith in her if she revealed her hidden parts. Contrary to this, however, was the fact that Selena had seen these parts.

She was an animal lover, the kings guardian, and who was she to refuse to keep her king’s vulnerabilities safe. She would comfort her when she cried, listen to her ravings as she planned, giver her elixirs when she was injured.

Anna reciprocated. For every time she was comforted, she returned the same care when Selena was set adrift by the blood she had spilled. For every time she spoke to Selena of her plans, she didn’t leave out any necessary parts i̶g̶n̶o̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶G̶o̶u̶r̶m̶e̶t̶ A̶s̶s̶o̶c̶i̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶b̶a̶n̶q̶u̶e̶t̶. For every elixir Anna drank, she gave back in her blood, now filled with the intoxicating powers from the healing and mana potions.

Tensions only clashed once, and for good reason. Anna, in the act of trying to get Iris a sponsor, had almost killed her. The girl only survived because of Kim Dokja’s interference. A debt they would never be able to pay, Anna said.

Selena understood that Anna was only working to what she assumed to be best, but the concern she felt watching that screen, watching as Iris was stalked down like prey by that Demon King, the one that caused a fair few of Anna’s nightmares, the one that killed the regressor last time.

She understood, but she could not accept. Why was there such a need to put a child at risk? Yes, a sponsor would be helpful, but was Anna’s intentions not to kill all the constellations in the end anyway?

They had talked, throughout the time together. All three of them. In a brief respite from the Starstream’s pervasive view, she had set out all of her goals, her reasons, and how she would achieve what she sought out to do. The Great Demon’s Eye was spinning with a vigour not unlike live wires, processing everything and taking even more information in.

The waters settled, and that was how Selena found herself in the place she was now. The 46th Scenario. This was where Anna had forever tarnished her relationship with Yoo Junghyeok. This was where Selena would face the same thing.

As soon as she had gathered her baring, she saw her leader reaching for the star, having not wasted a moment. Her hand closed around it, simultaneously declaring that she wished for control over Selena Kim’s Life and Death.

Selena didn’t fight it. Did her leader not realise that she would always follow. Did her leader not realise how unending her devotion was, only shaken temporarily and only shaken once.

She sank to her knees, exiting the room and waiting until the rest of the Zarathustra arrived. Anna was anxious, but desperately hiding it behind an uncaring facade. There was a reason the woman was so good at poker.

This woman. She had fallen for the most stubborn and strong willed person she possibly could. Maybe she would end freedom from her bindings, those Incarnations from the Korean Scenarios would never let it stand, but before then, she would relax into the comforting knowledge that though her leader didn’t trust her, she still wanted to hold her close.

Whumpril Day 5 - Neglect

On ao3

Sponsors were staples of the Star Stream. Nearly every powerful Incarnation had one, sometimes more. They were meant to bestow legendary Stigmas upon their chosen, granting them fantastical abilities to allow them to progress further through the Scenarios.

Shin Yoosung signed that contract with the strange Ahjussi knowing this. She signed it knowing that he may not help her as much as others might, but she had faith he would be worth it.

She did not sign the contract knowing that the man would disappear so soon. She did not sign the contract knowing that the man would never come back.

She felt empty. The memories she had with that man were short, fleeting. It felt she had spent more time with the man dead than she had spent with him alive. She knew this wasn’t true, but his absence was all consuming.

Sponsors were meant to aid those they took on as Incarnations. Even though she was a child, she knew that this was not always true… this man was meant to be different. This man was meant to stay.

[The Constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ does not exist]

Whumpril Day 4 - Threat

On ao3

It was a normal day. Lee Jihye and Na Bori were in class, talking about the latest trends and playfully bantering. It was a normal day.

[Worldline 8162 has entered paid service.]

An ominous message was the only warning, before the two girls’ lives’ completely changed.

At first, the class had just whispered. It seemed that everyone had hurt the message, causing all conversation to stop. No one could figure out where it came from, but then… the screams began.

They were muffled through the walls, most likely from another classroom, but they started, and they wouldn’t stop. Another message pinged.

[1st Scenario - Prove Your Worth

Category: Main Scenario

Difficulty: F

Clear Conditions: Kill one or more living things.

Time Limit: 15 minutes.

Compensation: 300 coins.

Failure: Death]

A strange creature was floating above the teacher. Or what had been the teacher. When the creature appeared, the teacher had exclaimed in shock. The creature did not take this well.

The brain was splattered all over the algebra they had been doing prior. The solution for x was just a blood stain where there should have been ink.

[Look at you pathetic creatures, trying to learn how to live in your easy lives.]

Lee Jihye had many issues with that statement, and it seemed so did her classmates. They could not raise these concerns, because their mouths had been exploded, alongside the rest of their skulls.

It was brutal. The class of girls that was once thirty strong was reduced to ten.

[No one wanting to speak up? Then I guess you all know what to do… I’ll leave you alone for now. Time’s ticking.]

The creature was mocking them. They were laughing at the terrified students and left before anyone could raise a finger in complaint.

Time wore on. The students ended up returning to their desks. What could they do? Kill each other? None of them wanted to end another’s life to extend their own.

The clock ticked to its last minute. That’s when it started again. The screaming that most had been trying to drown out came back with a vigour. Soon people in the classroom joined in.

They clutched at their skulls before their end. It was fast.

Na Bori had figured out what was coming.

“Lee Jihye, do you want to hug one last time before the end?” Her voice held a strange cadence. It was that of someone who had accepted their fate. Lee Jihye looked up to see her best friend with her arms spread wide and welcoming.

She jumped into them. They held each other knowing that this would be it. Until Na Bori moved. She moved slowly, subtly, grabbing Lee Jihye’s arms and moving them to her neck. She slowly stepped back, so it ended up with Lee Jihye’s hands limply laying on her shoulders.

Those were moved next, and a chokehold was formed, blocking her windpipe.

“W-what?” A shaky voice came from Lee Jihye’s mouth, “What are you doing?”

“It needs to be done. You will survive.” And she tightened the grip around her own throat.

It was not a quick death, but she refused to let Lee Jihye’s arms move until she was too weak to keep them there.

Her friend was too weak to move them as well.

[Achievement Gained - First Kill]

Whumpril Day 3 - Sore

It started small. Sitting on the toilet, Yoo Mia looked down and saw blood staining her clothes. She felt like crying. Why was there blood? Was she injured? Was she dying? Tears came to her eyes.

She left the bathroom, and walked over to her oppa. He was cooking the company’s dinner in the kitchen they had taken over. Yoo Joonghyuk looked up when he heard footsteps at the door.

Seeing his sister in tears, he dropped what he was doing, seemingly chopping vegetables, and went over to his sister. Leaning down to hold her face, he asked why she was crying.

“I was just on the toilet a-and I looked down a-and saw blood! Why was there blood!” Yoo Mia was hiccuping and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Hey, hey, it’s normal, I think I know what’s going on, it’s okay,” Her brother was comforting her, wiping her eyes before pulling her in close. “Do you want me to go over it or would you rather have Lee Seolhwa or Lee Jihye?”

“You please, oppa,” The girl had not completely stopped crying but was slightly calmer now.

“Why don’t we sit down then?”

Yoo Mia’s stomach felt like it was bursting. There was an all consuming ache lingering in her chest, and it hurt, ever so badly. She drew her knees up to her chest, rocking back and forth to try and make it stop.

Yoo Joonghyuk, seeing this, brought his sister into a hug.

“It happens when you get older, your body starts adapting to you growing up,” Yoo Mia wanted to make a comment about how she knew what puberty was, but the ache swallowed up the majority of her attention.

***

Her oppa was dead. He died after fending off a sword strike meant for her. When her time of month came next, she remembered how he had so lovingly told her about what it would be like. She remembered how he calmed her down when she was crying. She remembered how he didn’t leave until she was in a better state of mind.

She curled up, and the ache wouldn’t end.

kim dokja is so lame bc he acts all hesitant about jang hayoung and nirvana's gender identities but he has zero fucking problem with using the correct pronouns for asmodeus who is literally an evil demon guy. i guess he only respects trans rights for evil people

Thank you for being born

Happy birthday hsy!

And so, stuck on the infernal train, he reads, and he reads, and he reads, until he can read no more. But how should he be permitted to stop? The only way he could stop is if he were no longer able. The only way he could stop is if he could no longer see the words on the page. The only way he could stop is if he no longer see.

reblog with a spoiler for your wip with zero context. no context allowed.

DELETE THIS POST

Whumpril Day 2 - Lies

Also posted on ao3

If Hyung wasn’t lying when he said they would all survive and then he went off to die, then this wasn’t a lie either.

The bugs couldn’t save him. They swarmed and they swarmed and they swarmed and the sword got through anyway. It burned. The boy felt like his insides were burning, twisting around the blade piercing through him.

But then, just as fast, the sensation left. Lee Gilyoung saw his Hyung standing over what had just hurt him, blade dripping with blood and Stories. Having finished the job, his Hyung rushed over to check on Lee Gilyoung.

“Are you okay? It didn’t get you did it?” His Hyung sounded so stressed. Lee Gilyoung didn’t want to bother him with his pain, so chose to omit it.

The bugs swarmed, covering his torso, Hyung didn’t see this because he was too busy looking the boy in the eyes.

“No, Dokja-Hyung, I’m fine,” Lee Gilyoung said, desperately trying to sound sincere, feeling suffocated by the feeling that he was gushing blood onto the floor.

His Hyung looked unsure, but when the battle roared up again behind him, he reluctantly turned around to go finish it.

Lee Gilyoung sank to his knees, no longer able to stand. He was invisible to the world, surrounded by layers and layers of bugs. He loved bugs.

Surely if he just closed his eyes for a moment, he wasn’t going to die… the boy thought, blinks growing longer and heavier.

An ear piercing screech rang out. His eyes flashed open. It was his Hyung, he was running over to him. He looked so desperate, his blurry and blank face flashing with what could have been tears.

His Hyung pushed through the bugs, who were attacking him, trying to keep him away. Lee Gilyoung ordered them to stop.

His Hyung had activated Demon King Transformation at some point, his ebony wings blocking out what was left of the sun. Those dark wings wrapped around him, cocooning him in a soft embrace.

“You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay,” Dokja-Hyung repeated, needlessly, as he wouldn’t die. His Hyung was here! He wouldn’t die.

Hyung wrapped his arms around the boy, and burst into flight. Scrambling back to the complex and completely ignoring the abandoned fight.

In his Hyung’s arms, Lee Gilyoung knew he was safe. His eyes began to close once more.

“No, no, no, no, no!” His Hyung muttered, sounding as desperate as Lee Gilyoung had once felt. But this desperation didn’t work. The boys eyes closed, and the world faded away.

Whumpril 2025 approaches!

Rules:

Anyone can participate.

Any media form is allowed (art, fic, gifs, music, whatever).

AI-generated content is NOT permitted.

You can participate however much or as little as you want, no pressure to complete every single day.

You can post your work anywhere on the internet, Tumblr, Ao3, etc.

Tag potential triggers and NSFW accordingly.

If you want to be counted as an official participant and have the chance to be featured on the blog, post your content during the month of April. You can still use the prompt list after April ends.

I can’t guarantee that every single work will be featured but I’ll try to reblog as many as I can.

To increase your chances of being featured here, tag your post with the event name and the prompt of the day that you used (For example: #whumpril2025, #whumprilday1, #hug) 

You can also @ the blog, @whumpril.

Full write-up of the prompts can be found under the cut!

Whumpril 2025 Prompts:

Hug

Lies

Sore

Threat

Neglect

Distrust

Restless

Burnout

Stranded

Bandages

Grounding

Dislocation

Head Injury

Lost/Found

Belittlement

Waterlogged

Interrogation

Mood Swings

Fetal Position

“You’re next.”

Stage(s) of Grief

Dehumanization

“Don’t you dare.”

Sensory Overload

Too Weak to Stand

The Kind One Snaps

Tossing and Turning

Inexperienced Caretaker

“Get your hands off them!”

“You’re/I’m not going anywhere.”

Alternative Prompts:

If there’s a prompt above you don’t feel inspired or comfortable doing, you can switch it out with one of these alternatives!

X-Rays

Hazing

Clammy

Trampled

Cowardice

Unsanitary

Congestion

Silent Tears

Falsely Accused

Slammed into Wall

Missed Medication

Heimlich Maneuver

 “Why won’t you believe me?”

Whumpril Day 1 - Hug

Also posted on ao3

Han Sooyoung lets out a sigh, looking at the mountain of notes she had spent the past day sorting through.

“All these notes, yet you can’t just stay alive, can you?” She wasn’t talking to anyone. The person she wanted to talk to was long gone. All that was left of him was his piles and piles of writing, on the scenarios, on constellations, on items. Nothing saying where he went or what could bring him home.

She had taken it upon herself to read through all of them, organising their leader’s scattered thoughts into something the rest of them could manage.

Grabbing her summary of what she went through, Han Sooyoung made to stand. Pushing her chair back, her vision went dark as she rose. How long had she been sat there?

Doubling over, she gripped the table. Her vision remained dark, her head rushing. She groaned at the sensations. She knew she had to get closer to the ground, then it would be less of a fall if she passed out.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“Sooyoung-ssi? Are you alright in there?” Yoo Sangah’s gentle cadence came through the closed surface, a hint of concern in her tone.

Han Sooyoung tried to respond but the pounding doubled in strength, eyes seeing naught but waves of darkness. Another groan emerged from her throat.

“Is that you? I’m coming in,” and the door opened. Yoo Sangah’s gentle cadence was shrouded in what seemed like a halo of heavenly light, but Han Sooyoung knew it was just the too-bright lightbulb in the hallway shining into the poorly lit room.

Yoo Sangah let out a gasp when she saw Han Sooyoung. Her hair was matted, her eyes clamped shut with the eyebags beneath large and noticeable.

She rushed over and wrapped her arms around the writer, holding her close.

“Are you okay? I came to check on you because no one’s seen you all day,” Her concerned words were too loud for Han Sooyoung’s aching head, so she scrunched her eyes further closed and tightened her grip on the table.

When Yoo Sangah saw her do this, she tried to pull them both away from the table, and to the mattress that had been set up for when company members were having sleepless nights in the planning room.

Now speaking in a whisper, Yoo Sangah continued to try and comfort Han Sooyoung

“Do you want to just lay hear and cuddle? Let’s try and get some sleep,” The serene tone combined with the soft covers helped ease some of Han Sooyoung’s pain. She nodded her head, and Yoo Sangah slipped them both under the covers.

And so, as the night wore on, the two ladies slept in peace, leaving thoughts of what was to come aside.

Happy birthday to our dearest author!

Y'know, the funny thing abt kdj being the symbolical ideal for both hsy (the perfect reader, her target audience) and yjh (the perfect witness, the reason for his existence who he wants to meet more than he wants to meet his own creator) is that for them to get to that point at all, they were first enamoured with his humanity

1st of all the went from enemies to frenemies. And then,

They first saw the cocky guy who became a guiding light. They saw the frail kid who needed someone, anyone. THEN they understood what they represented to the reader