Jason: Why Are You So Mad At Me? Is It Because I Slept With Your Dad?

Jason: I would die for you

Salim: I would die for you too

Jason, suddenly very emotional: Please don’t

Hey y’all, fun fact if you didn’t know, I wrote a fic like ages ago where Salim moves to London, so... if you wanna check that out it’s linked below<3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35081476/chapters/87385063

Eric: What the fuck is Jason even doing?

Nick: HIS BEST!

Jason: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Salim.

Nick: Not everybody likes Salim.

Jason: Who doesn’t?

Nick: What?

Jason: Names, now. Give me their names.

...33

Eric: The Middle East is on the brink of war-

Salim: Brink???

friend referred to Jason as Male Wife Two-One Actual the other day and I still haven't recovered

Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES

Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…

Salim: Eric please don’t do this

Eric: cabinet and grab the pack

Salim: why would you do this to me

Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?

Jason: idk bro, i should probably kiss him

Eric:

Nick:

Rachel:

Salim:

Jason: what?

-eric interrogating Salim-

Eric: Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole, truth, and nothing but the truth?

Salim: no

Eric:

eric, into his walkie talkie: what do I do now?

Jason, laughing:

Eric: Jason, this is my life.

Jason, still laughing: I know, it just sucks!