Wilburs Thoughts On Tommy And Existing

April Rise Challenge 10: Reckless

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Ao3 Link: Here

!TW! Talk of Self Sacrifice/Death Of Loved Ones. No Actual Death/Sacrifice !TW!

Mikey whoops as he leaps straight up, the air rushing past him. There’s one glorious moment when he can’t go any higher, but before gravity pulls him back down, where he just hovers. Then he falls back to the ground.  The turtle curls into a ball and leans forward into a rolling tumble in the air.

Wait.

Not yet.  

NOW!

Mikey stretches out his arms and catches a rung of a fire escape, swinging all the way around before letting go and flinging himself to the next building.

“COWABUNGA!”

He tucked into another roll and leapt to his feet to keep running.  

This was a perfect night! The moon was full, the city was alive, and Mikey was razzing his tazz! Nothing was going to spoil tonight!

-

Raph was completely ruining his night! When Mikey had snuck back into his room, the runners high and excitement making him feel bubbly and buzzy, he hadn’t even glanced at the dark shadows in the corner.

“Hamato Michelangelo!” Mikey yelped, jumped, and curled into his shell in surprise. Dang it!

Before he could uncurl and relax, the box turtle felt his shell be picked up and turned over so he could peer out into one very angry snapper’s eyes. Yeah.... He’s going to stay in here for a minute.

“Hey, Raph.” He called trying for his most innocent smile, even his older brother couldn’t see it.  

“Where were you?” Raph asked with narrowed eyes. Oh no, not good.

“With April?” He tried.

“I called her already.” Double dang it. That was his only hope. Mikey popped his head out.

“Can you put me down first?” The snapper did so, and Mikey let his legs pop out so he could stand as tall as he could to appear confident. Not that it helped with the older brother.  

“I wasn’t doing anything bad.” The box turtle started.

“Then why didn’t you take anyone with you?” Raph crossed his arms.

“Because I wanted to be by myself for a little!”  

“You should have at least told someone.”  

“Then you would have made someone go with me!”

“I would not!”

“YES! YOU WOULD!” Mike threw up his arms in frustration. He knew this would happen. He tried to slow his breathing and lower his voice. He did not want the twins to take part in this.

“Well, I would have been better than you going topside alone!  I was worried sick! What if something happened?”

“I had my phone.”

“Really? Cause you didn’t pick up my calls.” Mikey winced at that. He had put his phone on silent for that very reason, he just didn’t want to be dealing with a call from Raph every 20 minutes. But... yeah, that wasn’t the best move.  

“Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll be better next time.”

“NEXT TIME? No, Mikey, there is no ‘next time!’ You can’t just disappear like that! Do you not realize how much stress you put me under when I don’t know where you are? How can you be so reckless?”

“Quit being such a hypocrite!” Mikey shot back. Because, ok, no. That is where Mikey draws the line. Because, yeah, he snuck out, turned his phone off, and worried Raph. And he will say that he’s wrong for doing that.  But Raph does not get to talk to him about being reckless.  “You wanna talk about being reckless, how about that time tackled Meatsweats, even though I would have been fine and we had a plan?”

“You were going to get hit! I had to-”

“Or when you dropped off a cliff so that the rest of us could unlock our Ninpō?”

“You guys-  

“Or what about with the Shredder, when you covered Donnie with your own body?”

“His shell-”

“Or when you almost killed yourself to save Leo from the Krang?!”

“HE WAS GOING TO DIE!”

“YOU WERE TOO!”

Both of the brothers froze at the words. Triple dang it, Mikey shouldn’t have said that.

The younger tried to take a deep breath and calm down. He knows that it wasn’t the same. That Raph did that to save them, not to go do parkour, and the idea of any of the others dying made him feel sick. But he couldn’t hear his brother talk about taking risks without having his mind go white with images of him running to save someone’s life at the cost of his own. But still...

Great now he felt guilty.

“Mikey...”  

“I’m sorry. I should have said that. You’re right, I won’t do that again. I mean it.” Mikey looked down and wrapped his arms around himself.  

It wasn’t too surprising when Raph hugged him. They both clearly need it. Mikey just hugged back.

“Thanks for apologizing.” Raph said after a moment. “I forgive you, and I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been so mad. You should be able to be alone sometimes. We can talk about that later, and I promise that I’ll try to be less overprotective.”

“Thanks,” Mikey said, tightening the hug.

He wasn’t going to ask for Raph to be less reckless. If any of them were in danger, Raph would do anything to save them. I wasn’t fair to have him make a promise that he could never keep. But they could talk about that later, when they were less tired and more reasonable. For right now they just hugged.

​

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Ao3 link: Here

Please check out @zee-rambles who came up with this challenge. And take a look at @rise-april-art-challenge for other submissions from other fans

Reblogging for personal future reference....

Rise Ponderings:

What if all the turtle brothers had a savage mode?

Not necessarily triggered by separation anxiety like Raph, but is more like a survival mode in an unfamiliar environment?

I'd argue that Donnie experienced something of a Savage Mode during that episode when they were in the woods where he was acting like a feral creature of the forest and built that treehouse. I think in his Savage Mode, Donnie's gets hyper-aware and his brain kicks into overdrive, and I've always sort of seen him as the family's substantial provider - his high income from selling tech (he literally has a patented company - Genius Built), the Rise Lair looking surprisingly modern and comfortable given their circumstances - hence the treehouse. Even in his 'savage mode', Donnie thought of shelter and facilities first. Also, his homicidal urges would likely increase tenfold against threats.

With Leo, I'd like to think that his Savage Mood is more akin to ruthless, calculating strategist. He's a cunning bastard but usually loud and flamboyant, which would make it all the more unsettling if Savage Leo went quiet yet that sense of cunning and strategic mastermind was still present, and since he's in survival mode that means he's absolutely ruthless to any threats that may harm him and his family.

Mikey with Dr Delicate Touch as a survival mechanism would be deadly, but it'd be a lot more eerie if his Savage Mood maintained his cheerful dissonance yet had Dr Delicate Touch's abrasive and merciless behaviour. Killing with a smile, basically. He's tiny but strong, quick and resourceful as heck. Savage Mickey would be running around scaring people and wrecking havoc like a giggling gremlin.

Now take everything I just said, imagine it's post-Kraang invasion and put them into a crossover with another TMNT iteration. Just one of them alone would be a force to reckon with, as seen by Savage Raph, but all of them together, directly post-invasion?

Unfamiliar, potentially hostile environment? Check.

Hurt brothers? Check.

Entering Savage Mode? Yes.

[Also friendly reminder that Rise turtles were made intentionally by a then-villain for the purpose of destroying humanity(?) (Draxum does hate humans and why else would he want to create 'the strongest warriors'?)

Plus, they're dumb teenagers. The turtles definitely have a few moral screws loose]

Which means that the turtles from that dimension would have to deal with 4 feral, overprotective teenagers with overpowered mystic abilities in survival mode whose instincts are perceiving nearly every moving thing as a threat and telling them to ELIMINATE.

Reblogging because it is a beautiful screenshot.

Artists, can you redraw this?

Pretty please? 🥺

Posting a random screenshot until we get season 3, there’s a chance I’m going to do it forever, day 173

The Love of a Clan

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Ao3 Link

Cassandra loved the Foot Clan, so it hurt when she realized that they didn't love her back.

Or, Cassy was in a cult, and we don't talk about that enough.

-

Once the mast-  

Once the Shredder had been defeated, Cassandra had offered to help rebuild the Hamatos’ home, with a complete willingness to do so. It was only right that she attempted to undo the damage she had such a large part in causing.  

She just... hadn’t expected them to take her up on the offer. But the small rat, who appeared to be the Clan Leader, had smiled and accepted her offer, even if the rest of his clan had looked reluctant to allow it. 

So, Cassandra had followed them to the ruins of their old home and helped them pick through the rubble to find the most important parts of their lives, even if the things they found were more often just as destroyed.

Cassy recalled seeing the blue Hamato pulling at an acoustic guitar with a snapped neck out of a pile of rubble, with a weak look of devastation. Then he glanced at Cassy and broke into a cheesy stand-up routine filled with music puns. She ignored any diggs he threw her way after that. 

She had seen the youngest of the Clan staring at a wall with a hole big enough for a car to drive through. It must have once been covered in a huge mural, as she could see oranges and reds leaking out around the edges of the hole. The turtle had just stared, wrapping his arms around himself in something like a hug. Cassy had tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but he had stepped back before she had even touched him. He had flashed her an open, friendly, and unconvincing smile and she had run off looking for another job that needed doing.

The purple turtle had been the worst. She had been with him when he found his room, broken metal and sparking current boards littered the floor. And in the center of it was a small turtle shaped robot, still and unmoving, its chest torn open and wires hanging out, like some twisted surgery gone wrong. It made Cassy feel horrified, even if she hadn’t known what she was looking at.

But the turtle hadn’t reacted. His face was blank and empty. He only said one word to her.

“Leave.”

She had, trying to not drown in horror and guilt.

She helped them relocate to another part of the sewers and had bought plywood and paint with the little money she had. She spent late nights cutting, and hammering, and painting. 

It hadn’t felt like enough.

- 

Cassandra leaned against the entrance tunnel to the Hamatos’ home and glared at the ground.  

The construction of the “lair,” as the Turtles called it, was done for the day. She wasn’t needed anymore and should just be heading home. But...  

Her dad was home tonight, for once, and she isn’t sure she can handle him right now. 

Before, she would have just volunteered for another round of training by the Foot or asked to go on a mission - even another humiliating coffee run. But that wasn’t an option anymore.  

But intruding on the Turtles’ new home any longer was also not an option. She could feel the awkwardness that was always in the air when she was around. It was growing steadily the long she stood there, even if the Hamatos weren’t around. 

She gripped the edge of her sleeve and tugged. There was nothing for it, no way out of this.  

She had to go home. 

The thought filled her with a hopeless dread. 

“Hey, Cass!” 

Cassandra jumped in surprise and swung at the one who dared sneak up on her and invade her personal space.  

The largest Hamato leaned back to avoid her punch and held up his hands in a placating motion. 

“Whoops, Sorry! Raph didn’t mean to startle you,” the red turtle said with a smile. “I was just happy I caught you before you left.”  

Cassy tried to calm her rabbit quick heart and stood up straight to make eye contact with the turtle, who was still far too close for comfort.  

“Your apology is accepted,” she said and forced herself to at least try to ignore how close the snapper was. “Do you require my assistance?” 

The red Hamato, Rapheal if she remembered correctly, shook his head. 

“Um, no not exactly. I was wondering if you would be willing to train with me?” 

“...I’m sorry?” Cassandra asked, confusion clearing her mind. 

“We just finished building the dojo, but my brothers are all tuckered out, so they don’t wanna come train with me.” He glared back down the tunnel in... annoyance? Cassy wasn’t sure, understanding others had never been her strong suite. 

“You... wish to train with me?” she asked, reluctance evident in her voice. Rapheal blinked and nodded. 

“Last time we fought you were able to throw me! Like a wrestler!” he said with an eggar, giddy look in his eyes that made the previous Foot Recruit lean back at the brightness. The red Hamato just kept talking excitedly.  

“The only other one who’s been able to throw me like that is Mikey! And he doesn’t like wrestling, he prefers fighting with his nunchucks. Which is stupid because-” 

“SILENCE!” Cassandra yelled, and then quickly slammed her hand over her mouth. 

Shit. She hadn’t meant to do that. She had just wanted to make him stop talking so she could think. 

She expected the larger turtle to get angry. All the higher ups in the Foot would have, hell, most of the other recruits would too. But the snapper just blinked in surprise, then his eyes widened, and took two steps back. His hands held up and his tail wrapped around his legs. 

“Raph’s so sorry!” He said, and Cassy distantly wondered why he constantly referred to himself in the third person. “My family doesn’t really have a lot of personal space, so we can forget about it sometimes. You don’t have to train with me if you don’t want to.” 

Cassandra cleared her throat and stood as tall as she could. 

“I would be honored to engage in combat with you again, Hamato Raphel. Please, lead the way.” 

Her new sparring partner shifted and blinked. 

“Just Raph is fine. Are you sure?” 

“I am.” She wasn’t lying. Fighting the Hamatos’ was always incredible. And Rapheal- Raph –always threw himself into his battles so completely, something she understood very well. 

Raph smiled and headed towards the dojo, with Cassy following behind. 

- 

Sparing with Rapheal was the best training Cassy ever had.  

The turtle was so strong that every hit felt like a wrecking ball, and the stances he made felt unbreakable.  

It was like fighting against a hurricane or a tidal wave. It would have been terrifying, if Cassy hadn’t happily returned everything the Hamato gave in kind. Raph was impossibly strong, and every blow she was able to land made her feel just as powerful. 

Weapons had been prohibited for today, so they often just ended up tackling each other and ending up grappling on the ground. Raph’s weight may have helped him here, but he wasn’t as flexible as her. They were evenly matched, and that just made Cassy fight harder to gain the upper hand. 

She had the snapper in a choke hold when she felt him tap out on her arm. She released her hold and fell to the floor, gasping for air. The turtle groaned and rolled over. 

“Water break,” he huffed out, and she nodded.  

Rapheal- Raph, be respectful. She reminded herself. -walked over to a beat up old minifridge in the corner and pulled out two bottles, offering one out. Cassy rolled to her feet and took the water. She leaned against the wall and slid to the floor; her sparring partner doing the same.  

“You have got to show me how to do that throw you used,” the red Hamato said.  

“I will happily help you learn any move I know,” she responded. “But I must request you do the same, your form is much more advanced than mine.”  

The turtle chuckled. 

“Uh, sure.” Both drank heavily and relaxed against the wall. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you always talk like that? You’re so formal.” 

Cassy tensed. 

“...I could ask you the same. Your habit of referring to yourself with your name is not common either.” 

“Yeah, fair,” the eldest Hamato admitted. There was a moment of long silence, where Rapheal shifted uncomfortably. 

“I was never very good with names.” Cassy looked up at the snapper, who wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I was never good with words in general. It just didn’t make sense in my brain. Why attach sounds to things? I did use them, but it felt real dumb to kid me.”

There was a soft smile on the turtle's face, as he spoke. Seeing it was like feeling a warm fire across a long room. Warm, but distant.  

But then the smile fell away, and the flames burned out.

“But then Donnie wouldn’t talk at all. He didn’t say a word until he was 4. And little me got scared and wondered if he just didn’t know any words, and so I tried to help him.

“I started narrating what I was doing out loud. Like: ‘Raph is building a tower out of blocks’ or ‘Raph is upset that he has to clean up.’”

The snapper let out a low chuckle.

“It was stupid. But it kinda worked. The first thing he said to me was that I talked too much. I was just so relieved that I actually tackled him. But, yeah, I just never got out of the habit of using my name like that. Plus, I think it adds to my charms.”

Cassy sat in stillness for a long time, then she looked down and pulled her knees up.  

“I had hoped that using more formal language would get my superiors in the Foot to respect me.” Cassadra admitted. 

Rapheal whipped to look at her. “

“Oh, dammit! I didn’t mean to bring up- I’m-” 

“If you apologize again, I will beat you to a pulp!” She said and glared, and his mouth clicked shut 

“...you don’t have to tell me more if you don’t want to.” He said after a minute.  

“No. I want to.” 

She did, surprisingly. Just that one sentence felt like coming up for air after drowning. Maybe it was just because Raph had shared with her first, maybe it was because he was comfortable enough to train with her, maybe she was just at a breaking point. But Cassy wasn’t sure if she could stop now, even if she wanted to. 

“I... hadn’t realized how much the Foot Clan had changed me until Shredder was defeated.” Her schedule was completely empty without training and missions. All of her “friends” had gone off grid. Even her closet only had clothes in red and black.  

“I- I thought they cared about me. They said they did. Or at least they used to.” 

“I’m sure they cared about you!” Raph said, aghast. “They were your clan!” 

“NO, THEY WEREN’T!” 

Cassy shot to her feet, the crackling anger of betrayal and the hot shame of being fooled finally breaking through.  

“'A Clan will protect and care for every part of itself. It will share its failures and victories. No Clan Member may have any doubt that they are loved.’”  

The words she had learned from the Foot’s scrolls flowed out of her without resistance. How many long nights had she spent reading and memorizing every ancient text the clan had saved? She learned every ritual, knew every rite of passage. Yet, she never seemed to earn those rites or rituals. Always falling short.  

“I used to train for days without rest! I trained until I couldn’t stand anymore!” 

She had pushed past her limits over and over again. She had practiced katas until she passed out from exhaustion. She had fought until she could take down even her instructors. But it hadn’t been enough. 

“I did everything they asked of me! I obeyed every request, no matter how useless! And never said anything! ANYTHING!” 

Cassandra Jones had loved the Foot Clan. She had given up almost everything for them. She had almost killed for them. She would have died for them.  

She loved them. 

“But they NEVER loved me!” 

A silence fell over the room. Cassy met Rapheal’s shocked eyes. They looked up at her with barely held back tears, and she felt her own grow misty with pain.  

“...fuck, they never loved me, did they?” She said, voice quiet and breaking.  

They had pretended to. They always told her that they cared about her, accepted her, and would always support her. They had said that they were her family.  

And that family had been something that Cassy had always wanted, always needed, and so she had fallen for the lie. Hook, line, and sinker. 

“I’m sorry,” the snapper said, voice cracking too. “Can I hug you?” 

Cassy hesitated, just for a moment. But all of her words had withered away, and it had been a long time since she had a hug. She thinks that she might need one. 

It was a very good hug. A long one too. But it was so warm and soft, and Raph’s arms held her in a way that was nothing like sparring.  

She wondered how someone could be so strong and so soft at the same time? 

But Cassy did pull back eventually, her face red from anger and embarrassment. She cleared her throat. 

“Apologizes. I lost control there.”  

The turtle just smiled at her. 

“Don’t worry. I’m glad I was able to help.”  

The turtle paused then sighed. 

“Listen,” he said. “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but I’m pretty sure Pops is about halfway to adopting you. But I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now, and you probably need some time, so I’ll make sure that he doesn’t bother you with that.” 

Raph looked at her, open and honest, and Cassy wondered if his kind stare could possibly kill her. 

“But please know, if you’re ever ready to join another clan, you will always be welcome with us.” 

Cassy felt a small and half dead hope pulse in her chest. 

“I will remember that.”

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Thank you to my beta reader: @biconic-disaster25 Go read her writing, it's Great!

Moments Chapter 3: Dr. Delicate Touch

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Ao3 Link: Here

Tensions had been running high in the Hamato household for days now. Raph and Donnie had been fighting, Raph and Leo had been fighting, Donnie and Leo had been fighting, everybody was fighting with everybody. Mikey doesn't even really remember the reason why it started, he only knows that every attempt to apologize or to calm everyone down had only caused more harsh words to be exchanged and more feelings to be hurt. And honestly, Mikey was just getting sick of it.   

Even still, he might not have done anything about it. The fighting may have lasted another week before fading into obscurity, and it all would have gone back to normal. But Mikey was tired. He had stayed up all night for the first time, and when the morning had come, he had been barely able to keep his eyes open, and of course, when he went down to breakfast everyone was pointedly ignoring each other or glaring at each other. But Mikey had been too emotionally and physically tried to give a damn, just sat down with a thump and tried to eat his cereal in peace. Then, Leo decided to open his big mouth.  

"So, you're really going to pretend that nothing happened?" the Slider said, glaring at Donnie.   

"I don't know what you're talking about," Donnie responded coldly, not looking up from his bowl. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut with a despite, silent plea for his brothers just to stop.  

“Oh, wonderful. We’re just going to mosey on past all that stuff you said. Awesome. Great.” Mikey put his head in his hands and wished he had hair to tug on.  

“You’re not even going mention what you said yesterday?” Raph asked, eyes narrow. Mikey could feel himself losing control and getting closer to a breakdown every second.  

“Don’t start with me, Rapha.” Leo snarled and opened his mouth to say something else that he would most certainly regret later, and Mikey felt the moment he lost it.  

“Shut up, Leo. You’re not helping.” Mikey said. The others all stopped and stared at him. “What? He’s not. He’s just mad 'cause he knows he’s in the wrong, and he can’t worm his way out of it, so he's pointing out everyone else's mistakes.” There was silence for a moment then Dee, still a little unsettled but determined to use this to his advantage, shakily smiled and turned to Leo.  

“Ha! See Leo-”  

“Oh no, Donnie,” Mikey interrupted before that could get off the ground. “Just because he’s trying to deflect, doesn’t mean he isn’t right. You need to get off your high horse and quit pretending you’re better than us because you’re smarter!” And you!” Mikey said pointing at the eldest brother, and the others watched as Raph leaned away from his younger brother. “You need to quit it with the passive-aggressive stuff! Just say you are angry and hurt! We don’t need you pretending you’re not and then ignoring us or saying backhanded stuff! Comminate! It’s not that hard!”  

Mikey then turns to the whole group and grits his teeth.  

“All of you know you’re wrong! But none of you are going to come out and apologize and would rather keep shouting at each other because you don’t want to lose whatever weird and annoying game you’re playing!” Mikey was waving his arms and then slammed them down on the table. “Well, guess what? It’s not a game! And if you don’t stop, I’m going to tie you together, and dangle you over the sewer fallout! And I will be happy and smiling while I do it, so don’t TEST ME!”  

By the end, Mikey was breathing heavily and the others had backed up several feet. The wind had drained out of him and slumped slightly.  

“I’m going back to bed. Don’t wake me up.” He left the three of them in the kitchen, and marched back into his room, collapsing onto the bed and curling up into his shell until he fell asleep.

-

When Mikey awoke, he groaned and popped out of his shell keeping his eyes closed. He was already forming an apology in his mind to his brothers for his sleep-deprecated shouting earlier. So, when he opened his eyes and found the three brothers surrounding his bed, he squeaked in surprise and then groaned again once he realized who was there.  

"Look, guys-" he said, but was quickly interrupted.  

"We're sorry, Mikey," Raph said, and Mikey blinked.  

"What?" he asked, feeling an intense amount of whiplash.  

"Yeah..." Leo said, fidgeting with his hands. "We shouldn't have been fighting so much, you were right."  

"As much as it pains me to admit it," Donnie said avoiding eye contact and crossing his arms. "You were right, and we could tell that our fighting was hurting you too. We should have been more considerate."  

"We've all already apologized to each other and made up," Raph said. "So, we just needed to apologize to you as well."  

Mikey was overwhelmed, and quite possibly in shock. This was so different than what he was expecting when he woke up. But he felt a rush of relief that the fighting was finally over.  

"Thanks, you guys," he said, feeling a smile. "And I'm sorry about being so mean."  

"You were just a tad mean," Leo said with a dismissive wave. "Honestly we needed more than a little delicate touch, doc." Donnie clapped his hands from where he was standing.  

"Well now that all the sticky emotions are over, I am getting back to business." He turned around and waved back to the others. "You three enjoy yourselves doing whatever it is you do."  

Ralph rolled his eyes and turned to Mikey.  

"Do you want to play Animal Crossing with me?" Mikey shook his head.  

"Nah, I'm going back to my nap," he said.  

"Alright," Raph said and nudged Leo. "Come on, Lee."  

"Alright, Alright," Leo said exasperated. "Night, bro," he called back.  

"Night," Mikey said and curled up with a smile.  

-

I know this is late, stuff happened. Thank you for reading. Let me know if there is anything I should work on.

Thank you to @sariphantom for hosting the Rise August Challenge, which this is inspired by.

@nickelodeon Please save Rise.

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A few days ago, I showed my sibling Nimona.

(They are genderfluid.)

While I was getting ready today, I found this:

I am one happy older brother. 🥰

A Gift for @allosaurids

Summary:

This is inspired by @cupcakeslushie Feral Leo AU.

After Leo comes back from the prison dimension scared and battered, Raph is just trying to survive the night and help Leo come back to them.

Even though he questions if there is any part of Leo left to return to them.

-

The vision in Raph's right eye is fuzzy and out of focus, and his arm on that side is throbbing and twitching uncontrollably. In fact, the whole of his right side feels wrong, alternating between numbness, and feeling like a thousand sharp needles are tearing and shredding at his skin and muscles. 

He needs rest. He knows he needs rest. But he can't, not yet.  

His mind is a field of landmines, and if he thinks too long about what could have happened, what did happen, he's going fall apart, and Raph can't afford that. Not now, when the injuries of the invasion are still raw and bleeding, still all too present. He can't rest yet; he needs to wait for his family and him to begin to heal.  

But Raph has a feeling that they never will be completely fine after this again. Especially Leo, who crouches in the corner of the dark med bay, eyes wide, wild, and unseeing.  

Raph is sitting in the opposite corner, curled inwards in an attempt to appear smaller and less of a threat, and just looks at his brother.  

His brother who spent years in the prison dimension, when for them it had only been minutes. Who has thick, jagged scars across his body that hadn’t been there at the beginning of this nightmare, nails and teeth that are sharp and cracked, and at the center of it all: a huge crack down his shell that none of them can treat because he won't let them close enough to do so.  

The two brothers watch each other in the dim light and take in each other. Leo with a scared and uncertain gaze, that shifts from Raph to the other shadows in the room. While Raph just looks and tries to take in all the changes that Leo has gone through.  

Raph wishes he could have stopped it, that he had taken Leo’s place, that none of this ever happened.  

He wishes he could tell Leo that he’s sorry.  

But he can’t. Not in a way that Leo would be able to understand right now. 

So, Raph does the only thing he could think of to calm down the scared rabid animal that had taken the place of his little brother. He hums. 

It’s a deep, rumbling, purring, hum that doesn’t come from his throat, but from the space between his lungs. He hadn’t done this in years, not since they were all tots, but it had always calmed him and the others down and he was praying it would work here. 

It didn’t seem to be working, Raph wasn’t even sure Leo was hearing it. 

Then, Raph felt a flicker of pain scatter across his arm, and he flinched.  

Dammit, not again!

He groaned and curled inward bracing for what was about to happen. 

The parts of him that had been fused with the kraang flared in agony. Burning sharp pain that made him want to scratch and tear at his skin to get it out. His whole-body shook, his eyes watered, and Raph knew that all he could do was ride it out.  

But, God, he just wanted it to stop.  

The episode went on for what was likely just a few minutes, though it felt longer, wearing down Raph’s already weak mental defenses and allowing the memories of everything that had happened to invade the parts of his mind not already overwhelmed with the pain. Why couldn’t this horrible day just be over already?! 

Raph felt something brush against his left arm.  

The snapper whipped around and pressed himself deeper into the corner to get away from whatever had managed to sneak up on him. But as he did so, whatever had touched him skittered backwards with a hiss.  

Leo hunched inwards on himself staring at Raph with fear and expectance, but Raph froze. For a few seconds neither of them moved, then Leo leaned forward and audibly sniffed the air. After a second, the slider took a step forward and made a soft clicking noise.  

"...Hurt?" Leo managed to rasp; voice uncertain but his face a mix of apathy and fear. Raph managed a small nod, too scared to make any move or noise that could frighten Leo back into the opposite corner. The younger just sniffed the air again and shuffled closer. Without taking his eyes off Raph, Leo reached out with one dirty clawed hand and placed it atop his brother's bandaged wrapped arm.  

It took everything Raph had not to flinch at the contact, as it caused the pain to spike and be brought to the forefront of his mind again. Leo ran his hand over the bandage, squinting down at it with his still cloudy eyes. He took the larger hand into his own and ran his fingertips down it and turned it over.  

He's looking for blood, Raph realized. Checking to see if the bandages needed replacing. Just like he always does when one of us is hurt.  

The thought gives him a terrible hope that maybe a part of Leo survived whatever had happened to him.  

Leo's administrations hurt more than they help, because there are no cuts to bleed, and his bandages are clean. But Raph allows it because it's the closest Leo has been to normal since they got him back, and he's not going to ruin this. He stays still, even when Leo moves his examination from his arm up to his eye, and, upon finding nothing to treat, onto the rest of him. 

When it's over, Raph is still just as hurt and tired as when they started, but Leo looks more present than he has since they got him back. The younger pulls back and faces Raph head-on. His mouth twists like he wants to say something, but he doesn't even try to open his mouth and vocalize it, which is so unlike the Leo that Raph knows.  

That's okay, Raph still has his voice, and he can talk for them both for now.  

"Thanks for the help, Lee," He whispers. Leo squirms under his gaze, then makes us sharp hissing click before turning away.  

Raph briefly panics that he did something wrong before he sees Leo moving towards the medical cot in the center of the room. The older relaxes realizing that Leo is just going back to bed now that he knows everything's all right. Or so he thought. Because Leo is coming back with the pillows and blankets that had covered the bed.  

He puts the pillow up against the wall next to Raph, then takes the large sheet and throws it over Raph's head. Leo sits down with the pillow protecting his injured and broken shell and arranges the blanket around his older brother. When he's done, he just curls slightly into his shell and stares out over the dark med bay, searching for a threat that isn’t there. 

The dangerous hope has taken root in Raph's chest, and he prays that Leo is still there.  

For a few minutes they just sit like that. Then Leo struggles out a single word.  

"Real?"  

For a moment Raph's not sure what he's talking about, then he remembers all the horrible things the kraang could make him see when it forced itself into his mind. An overwhelming sense of grief threatens to swallow him whole, and he moves to take Leo's hand in his. To try and convince his younger brother that yes, this is real, and he is safe now. But he stops himself.  

Memories of what it was like being held captive by the kraang, about how they clung to every part of you, and how their touch was unescapable, flashed across his thoughts.  

No, touch wasn't a good idea. But the idea of not being able to cling to some part of Leo was worse. 

So, Raph does the only thing he could think of, he reached up and undid his bandana from his head. He wrapped one of the fraying ends around his own hand and offered the other out to Leo.  

For a moment Leo just stared, eyes flickering between Raph and the red fabric.  

"Take it," Raph offered, and Leo's face filled with the same dangerous hope that had blossomed in Raph's chest. Leo shakily gripped the other end of the bandana, and Raph pulled it taut between them.  

They had done this when they were younger too, mostly when Donnie didn't feel that he could touch anything but still wanted to know his brothers were nearby. It feels wrong using it like this, but it's the only thing that Raph can think of. 

"This is real," Raph promised, tears flowing out of his eyes. "You're safe now." 

Leo’s empty gaze returned to scanning the dark room, but his grip tightened on the bandana, and after quiet moment Leo began to hum in the same way Raph had done earlier. 

Raph closed his eyes, pain still shooting up and down his skin and returned his brother’s attempt to soothe them with his own rumblings. 

They would both be healed soon; they just needed a little time. 

-

Sooooo, I'm kinda sliding in under the buzzer here.

I rewrote this at least five times, and still wasn't satisfied with it. But @allosaurids deserves a gift, so I just had to go with it.

Thank you to @rottmnt-secret-gifting for hosting, and to the receiver of this gift I ask permission to be able to post this on Ao3.

Thank you.

You can't bury your gays if their already dead!

And yes, it is worth watching.

can someone spoil DBD for me? is it sad? do they bury the gays? it is worth watching anyway?

Beautifully drawn!

I love this game, and you should go play it.

my take on the fellas

i imagine voice of the hero and narrator appearing like shadows, while other voices like or shadows or spirits bc they may be ghosts of previous mcs

and additionally voice of the meek bc i completely forgot about him

Reblog if you love AO3 and appreciate their volunteers who are working harder than God, fighting battle after battle, making sure the place that is a safe space for every fandom is staying up and running for all of us