No None Of Y'all Are Safe, Especially Me

first rugby tournament completed!

i played for like 4 minutes and it was cold and miserable but i did it!

her (again)

she went to a kendrick concert the other day and the pictures are so freaking cute

shes so cute and pretty

relapsed in january, cut LITERALLY ONCE they sent me to the mental hospital. SO not worth it

you ever had a relapse that’s so mid you wish you just stayed clean lmao

want to just step outside and smash a bottle on my head

im in a new class but everyone in it has already been in the class for a term, and i'm joining in the second term bc of weird scheduling shit. theres this one girl thats being really sarcastic and im freaking out bc everyone thinks that shes just so funny but everytime she makes a "joke" i feel like i'm going to die. to top it off i thought i was going to have a great teacher but instead i have a fatphobic teacher who doesn't give a shit if people are blatantly spreading misinformation and bullying people. god i hate school. not to mention, this is a science class, and i have a lot of bad past experiences ( i would say ptsd but its not one of my diagnoses so i'll just call it Post Traumatic Stress, no disorder[yet]) in science classes and so being in science courses always freaks me out. everyone is being so fucking loud and they all know each other and i don't know them. i dont understand why people think its ok to literally yell in the middle of class. i feel like im gonna throw up.

motivation

no motivation, only motivation to die. i want to die. please let me die. jesus christ just bury me alive at this point and set fire to the casket. literally take me out back and shoot me dead in a gravel pit where you killed your dog and goat. literally kill me i cant do this anymore i would rather be dead than have to stay here in this hell

and unfortunately its only gonna get worse as time goes on

you met me at a very mentally ill time in my life

creep?

god im basically writing fanfic of me and her atp

(ITS ALL FLUFF)

(i keep the smut in my head)

i have literally no energy left and i feel like im gonna die if i get up off the couch i legitamately think i might die if i leave the couch and my mom keeps telling me that i just "need to get up and finish cleaning" and that i "dont understand the consequences of not finishing the cleaning" and i have literally told her that i think im gonna die if i get up and she just walked away and went "ARGH" and it feels like shit and i cant control my feelings. all i want to do is watch tv. is it really that bad? y'all spend WAY more time on screens than me and y'all are about the same level of fine as me (if not much better) what does it matter if i watch tv for 4 hours if the alternative is mental agony?

especially her

Saw this in my local park this morning