Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries

shouting while punching shadow noises, "you should listen to him maria! he makes very valid points!"

"both of you stop it! we're family. "

"you're the one taking offense and acting all defensive over a simple topic."

("why are you so damned sensitive.")

he stilled, hand twitching and stopping in his hair. his arm slacked, falling away from his own skull.

"⸻you just marinate, it's no wonder you feel how you do."

an explosion rattled and echoed in his own mind; sight of bodies, pieces of limbs, once organs, bits of hair and skull, lay strewn before him. he remembered shaking ⸻ unable to process what his eyes were seeing, his squadron, dead⸻

blood rained down on his face, scientists strewn along once white now red stained marble flooring⸻ his mother's distant, muffled screams, blood coating his own hands, arms. such a small child to be covered in so much blood⸻

years, days, months as a child and a teenager of begging, pleading, ASKING what he had done wrong to his parents and never being told why⸻ being treated like he were this horrible monster, this terrible blight of existence despite NOT REMEMBERING⸻

AND IT WAS HIS OWN FAULT? MARINATING?

"julius," stone's voice, his stone, cupping his face, "look at me. it's going to be okay."

any anger julius might've been feeling dissipated. he couldn't. not to him. never. and yet part of him could, would. julius smiled, but the expression looked bitter, a mix between genuinely hurt and confused, a touch lost,

".....clearly, you've waste your time."

the glare does nothing to him, and if anything it just makes the former agent shrug in response as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I merely asked. you are the one taking offense and acting all defensive over a simple topic."

really could the man not realize that? surely he had to know how odd that reaction was.

"because, from what it seems, you don't do hardly anything aside from challenging sonic when you get the chance. you just marinate, for lack of a better word. it is no wonder you feel how you do." the more he spoke with the man the more he regretted showing up, as whatever hope he had of aligning himself with another supposed like-minded individual kept slipping further and further away with every passing minute.

though that was mainly on stone for assuming, of course.

they hate me for finding romance in the violent & violence in the romantic. also for the killing

how rude. he stares across at her, but doesn't have it in him to be snide. much as her comment stings. julius never could be mean, not to her. least of all because of what she represented, in his mind. "i'll take that as a compliment," & with an overexaggerated flourish of his left hand, julius bows, smirking somewhat.

"it seems like no matter the name he goes by- my cousin is always odd."

"sorry, i didn't realize this seat was taken," julius gave a softer smile, shuffling and moving his bookbag off the seat he'd set it on. his gaze lingered on the man in front of him, enjoying the way that his hair accentuated his face, and those eyes were beautiful too. he wondered if he had ever seen him around the eden club. julius cleared his throat, "are you, here with anyone, or are you waiting on someone?" realizing how bold that sounded, julius quickly clarified, "n-not that i'm! trying to, flirt or anything. i just thought if you had a moment, maybe we could try getting a coffee?"

starter. for roman (@blckfckinmsk) BASED ON THE PREMISE THAT JULIUS & ROMAN START DATING (before becoming bitter exes).

“these characters should be mentally healthy before they get together 😌” ummm no I actually think we should smash their mental illnesses together like clumps of play-doh and see what colors it makes

"I think I'm losing myself again." //unlackeyed

well that was cryptic, and stupidly vague. that could mean many things: although if julius stopped to think for a moment. he supposed if he were a betting man, he'd bet on colin meaning 'losing himself' as in that sense of, belonging. or perhaps colin were finally growing bored of the do-goodery he kept trying to cling to. after all, from what little julius had gleamed of the man's past, he'd been into some right fucked up shit.

"are you wanting me to comfort you. to tell you that everything will be alright. you merely need to push through, keep trying. all of that." for as much as julius cared for colin (& care he did, because he wouldn't waste his efforts nor his time on anyone else if he didn't give a shit about them), he certainly hoped that colin hadn't mistaken that for julius being a righteous or a good-hearted person. he wasn't. his care extended to colin, to imad. on some small level, to sonic. that was it.

& yet even then, julius couldn't bring himself to simply tell colin that he could be good if he tried, he could continue to be kind if he tried. why? well. because julius himself wouldn't want to hear that as comfort; that would be the worst possible thing for julius to hear. after all, julius was not some 'hero', he was a terrible man who had murdered so many he'd stopped counting. would no doubt murder some more. if colin had come to him holding a gun and shakily confessing that he'd wanted to kill someone who wronged him, julius wouldn't take the gun from colin or tell him there was another way. he'd hold the target down so colin would have a clean shot and wouldn't waste a bullet.

why are you so damned sensitive⸻

⸻you just marinate⸻

damned sensitive⸻

⸻marinate

⸻

⸻

.....

"we are merely getting to know one another" distant, though through a haze, or muffled from underneath water. he blinks, but doesn't move. simply stands there, gaze looking a tad duller than it even did in his waking day to day. which was saying something, how detached he felt normally. "i.... i M SOROY- unkwo- somet-" he blinked, a hand moving to slam against the side of his own head, as if wanting to jostle himself out of whatever stupor or state he were in⸻ all it served to do was making that pounding in his head worse, but his hearing did come back to him somewhat.

lips. what had stone's lips said. he blinked, focusing on the movement he had just seen a few seconds ago. 'i am sorry' 'didn't mean to upset you'.

julius scoffs. gaze lowering away from stone. he shrugs briefly. "hardly something to get upset over." he could feel it, that churning sensation; like a rolling fire, stoking and trying to vault higher but he was pushing that down. no no no stop stop⸻

stone instinctively took a step back when he saw how quickly the man's demeanor had changed, though he knew ultimately if julius chose to attack him there wasn't really much that he could do. in a way he had been unknowingly provoking the man, it seemed, not that he had any real way of knowing.

whatever feeling of annoyance and boredom stone had previously felt was quickly replaced with dread, like his instincts were telling him to try and run and yet... he didn't. he just stood there, staring aimlessly at the man.

something was wrong, and stone was almost sure the man was currently experiencing some form of PTSD. he'd seen it firsthand during his time with G.U.N, and for a moment stone's expression softens before he hears the words the man uttered next, whatever sympathetic words of his own getting lost entirely.

"we are merely getting to know one another," stone replies as he refrains from moving further away from him, a bit of him on guard regardless if the man chose to suddenly snap. "I... I am sorry, if I unknowingly triggered something with what I was saying. I did not mean to upset you..."

i'd like to know you ⸻ hearing those words felt, bizarre. as precious and as warm as sunlight, they felt & yet that ever present and nagging fear, numbness threatened julius at the mere notion. the mere fraction of a thought: until you won't. until julius said or did something that was too much, too confusing, too outlandish or too contradictory, or too selfish or too sensitive or too⸻ he was scared, at the thought of losing this. losing him.

& just how much of himself was he willing to give, could he give? could he give parts that stone would help him to understand? julius had always wondered that, how he was supposed to just KNOW things innately when no one ever bothered to teach him, to explain, to show him. to let him feel, not that he felt very often or for very long.

at the reassuring smile, julius gives a small, awkward, brief one in return. like he isn't used to smiling very often, never sincerely. at what is said next, julius blinks, his turn to be caught off guard. oh. right. he supposed they never introduced themselves, did they?

"julius," he steps forward, reaching a hand out and shaking imad's, "it's nice to meet you, imad. er, properly." julius' touch lingers, not wanting to let go of imad's hand. he's probably shaking it for too long. how long did one normally shake another's hand?? julius glanced down, cleared his throat, finally stopped shaking imad's hand after probably 30 seconds, rubbed at the side of his neck again.

considered, but then stepped back, wanting to give imad space. "....your name suits you, i like it."

the little apology caught him off guard, and he chooses to nod as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, seeing yet another change in the man's demeanor. stone figured julius was likely pushing himself way out of his comfort zone, and he really did wonder just why that was. the man had shown he was very capable of deflecting, of being indifferent to what stone said and even expressed, so why the change of heart?

"I'd like to know you, as much as you feel comfortable telling me. In turn I will tell you about myself, that way it is an even exchange."

he offers him a reassuring smile, his previous look of annoyance fading away as he takes on a more friendly stance. "We could start with our first names, yeah? I am Imad, what is yours? I'd at least like to properly address the person I am speaking with."

USEFUL SITES FOR ROLEPLAYERS 2.0

This is an updated version of my original post since I've found some more useful websites since then.

roleplay formatter: Made by the awesome @rpclefairy. I honestly can't recommend this one enough. Great for adding color, changing the font size, and the whole shebang with bold + italics + underline + strikethrough. 10 out of 10 always use.

word html: I actually just stumbled upon this and am absolutely in love with it. It works a lot like roleplay formatter and has WYSIWYG, HTML, and SOURCE CODE options. 10 out of 10 awesome alternative.

fsymbols + emojipedia: These are both great for making your tags fancy and whatnot.

alt codes: This is genuinely great for teaching you how to make the symbols with your keyboard for everyday use so there's that. It's especially useful if you and/or your muses speak a second language so that's a bonus.

text color fader: *marge vc* I just think gradient effects on text is neat. *end marge vc*

list of colors (wikipedia): Has a list of an infinite number of colors and their hex codes. Very useful if I do say so, myself. But that's just me.

rgb color code: Just stumbled upon this one like I did with word html and is nothing short of interesting! Might not be one I'd use on the regular but it's definitely worth looking into IMHO.

And, as per usual, feel free to reblog and add more! <333