⸻how Easy It Was, Put The GUN To His Head.

"i, for one, have never been prouder of colin."

no anon idc idc 😶‍🌫️

wilhelm it has been such an utter delight to reconnect with you and julius again. i've had so much fun writing our characters and just talking with you and everything that it entails. i've missed you more than i can ever say, and i really dont know what else to say that i havent said already. it's just been so nice having you back in my life, and i wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone. i look forward to what the future has in store for us both, and i hope you stay a continuous part of it. you're a piece of me i didnt know i was missing, tbh.

no joke i legitimately teared up reading this ask.

the only thing that could separate me from you is death, quite frankly. i couldn't ever see myself wanting to leave you. you're a piece of me i didn't know i was missing either. i feel like we just clicked and slotted into place with one another.

of course we've our differences, but i'm pretty sure that's to be expected of people because no one's ever going to fully understand another person without slip ups or misunderstandings, miscommunications. it's the human experience. i'll always strive to hear you, to understand you, even if it takes me time to do so. you've always been worth that. you'll always be worth that.

i'd never trade you for anyone or anything else either. you're the hannibal to my will. the kirk to my spock. for risk of sounding cheesy and sappy, i feel like you complete me in a way that i've never encountered before and that's so invigorating as much as it is scary (not b/c of you, but experiences in life have made me, weary at points).

thank you for existing. thank you for all you've done, whether it's things that've made me smile or the steps we've taken even if it's been a bit tough for both of us. all of it just means that our bond has grown stronger and we're closer because of it. i'll never regret a moment i've spoken to you, negative or not.

you mean too much to me. i'd never regret you. no matter what.

jaw threatened to flex and twist in the irritation rising from being asked. shame and pride broiled in his chest. through it all julius keeps that smile up, because that's all he's ever known. smile through the agony, the negatives - your feelings and needs and wants don't matter.

"no. everything's fine." what good would telling roman do anyway? as if roman could fix things.

@blckfckinmsk [!!]

· 𓂃 ࣪˖🔪 ˖ ࣪𓂂 . "Why punish someone without reason?"

it was a terribly naive and oddly sentimental statement. one that julius could scarcely comprehend - let alone agree with. he has to bite back the scoff that catches behind teeth. instead, julius flashes a practiced & eased smile.

"if only the world agreed with you, roro. we might be in a better off place." as it stood - being fired from his job, pending acceptance into G.U.N - julius felt a tad, bitter. maybe that was why he had brought up the topic to begin with. of course roman knew none of this: julius saw no point in sharing such developments with roman.

What is Your Hate Language?

VIOLENCE

Physical Violence is a common, yet bold hate language. It’s old as time and is as natural as rain. It’s often one of the first thoughts that come to us when we feel hatred, but you actually have the moxie to go through with it. Fist fights at bars and you think assassination is the best option in politics. You’re an absolute loose canon. Your most likely crime would be murder. The only down side of this hate language is how hard it is to get away with it.

"julius, look at me." / "can you try taking some deep breaths for me?"

his gaze flicked up, dulled irises and lidded eyes staring across at stone-not-stone. no. that was just him being rude. stone was stone.

("you're not my....") that bitter, lost, confused little smile. his expression skewed very briefly. looking as though he wanted to cry, but there were no tears. he couldn't. hadn't physically been able to cry in years due to that chaos energy in his system.

his lips parted, and julius inhaled slowly, unevenly, then exhaled unsteadily. his gaze closed, lips trembling. hands clenched at his sides, but he inhaled unevenly, slowly, deeply, then exhaled another shaking breath.

he watches as julius literally slams his hand against the side of his head, and the sound actually made stone wince at just how hard it was. surely that had to have hurt, but perhaps that was the point? despite his apology however he had been written off yet again, and the man dared to take a few steps forward until he was only a few inches away from him though he still refrains from touching him.

julius could always just shove him if he wanted, or dismiss him yet again so why not try to help, even if it was just a little?

"can you try taking some deep breaths for me? it may help you to alleviate what you are currently experiencing, and help you ground yourself."

Julius has appeared! What to do?

Brush off Ask to leave Punish Leave them

[txt:] haha er, nothing?

[txt:] i just, haven't had anyone to text before, really.

[txt:] i'm kinda old school like that??

[txt]: really? [txt]: what's wrong with you? [txt]: jk

his left hand jerked forward, gripping at stone's wrist. his fingers twitched, thumb roaming and pressing into his wrist, to feel his pulse. julius' fingers, his whole hand, was quivering, shaking subtly. was he checking for stone's pulse, to make sure that he was really there?

or was it just to hold onto him?

he hears the breathing, and does his best to match that rhythm. but then, that feeling, that sensation getting worse in his chest. the breathing helped, for a spell, but- stone would feel julius' palm heating up, warming, as though an element on a stove just beginning to heat and give off a light waft of temperature-

hurriedly, julius let go of stone's wrist, and stepped back from him. the breaths were quicker now, shallow, "n-no, no," it's murmured, to himself? his palms move, cupping and pressing and covering his own face. "enough. stop." that burning would get worse- stone would no doubt smell it; flesh, starting to sear, but julius wasn't moving his hands away from his own face.

he'd ducked down now, squatting, hunched forward slightly. low, barely there mumbles, something along the lines of 'please no more. not now.' / 'you want to' / 'no' / 'liar.'

stone offers him a smile, very happy that julius was actually listening to him for once. he only wished it was under better circumstances. seeing the man start to do the little exercise saw stone joining in with him, hoping it would help him further in the little goal of calming julius down.

"you're doing so well. just continue until you start to feel better," stone says softly, continuing to do the breathing exercise with him.

how to get rid of horrible and traumatic mental imagery and memories without literally turning to lethal levels of substance abuse