Splatoon 3 DLC’s Being Like This Is Kinda Funny

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SPEEDPAINT

Elon Musk's twitter meltdown is so fascinating to watch. It's like seeing the class clown become the principal and then implode in real time.

It's like he hyped himself up on this platform of "No more school rules! All the dumb teachers are getting fired! Recess forever!" and now that he's bumblingly stumblingly found himself in the principal's chair he's trying overly hard to double-down on all his asinine promises in a desperate bid to maintain the approval of all the burnouts he fostered favor with all while he's slowly being crushed beneath the mounting pressure of learning test scores dictate funding and half of those stupid dumb fired teachers were pivotal to keeping the system running

and now the fire is slowly spreading and his liberated lackeys are tearing down the halls and smashing displays and pulling the alarm while Elon tries desperately to assure the super-intendent that nothing's changed and test scores will be just the same as always while in the same breath doing everything in his power to maintain his Cool Guy Runs the Cool School persona to the delinquent actively spray-painting the super-intendent's shoes.

By which I mean he's having the WORST time and wants nothing more than to go back to his smart-ass class clown role where he could opine and whine about all the ways HE'D run this better without needing to face the reality of hemorrhaging $1 billion a year in pure interest on his massive loan (never mind that actual unprofitability of Twitter and its massive revenue losses) at the helm of a project he's chosen to capsize with ideas so blitheringly stupid that only a man surrounded by 1 million sycophantic yes-man could have ever even considered following through on.

DESTRUCTION RAGE VIOLENCE

Deep cut… BADDIES!!!

OH MY GAMMIT ITS THE RAPTURE

“Steven, we can’t both exist. I’m going to become a frying pan, and every time you cook something, that’s me, also cooking something and loving cooking something, because you’re going to be something extraordinary. You’re going to be a chef.”

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