I Wanna Be Scary Thin But I Can’t Even Get Normal Thin.

TW venting, suicide

I hate my life so much rn, everything is falling apart. My parents wont stop fighting, my siblings treat me like a second choice, i have terrible anxiety about university and my whole body hurts. Like literally. My joints hurt so bad and it got steadily worse over the last 7 fucking years and nothing helps. Like not at all. Something is hurting 24/7 and it never gets better and i dont know what to do. I lie down and something hurts. I sit up and something hurts. I stand up and something hurts. I walk, jog or run and something hurts.

If there wont be a miracle anytime soon, ill either kill myself directly or start therapeuutic fasting and only stop once im dead lmao

I really cant stand this any longer, im so done with all of it

I just wanna end it all

Thinspo Imagine #1: The Beginning of Fall

It was around 7 in the morning when the sun woke you up. It danced across your sheets and your desk, earning a soft groan from you as you slowly woke up. The sheets draped over your dainty body, slipping down over your shoulders as you sat up. Your hands sat in your lap, bundling up the blanket a bit as you looked out the window at a beautiful morning.

After admiring the view a little bit, you slipped out of bed, one thin leg after the other. Your soft pajamas draped over your lithe figure, truly accentuating how petite you were. They sagged a bit around your tiny waist and the sleeves stopped past the palm of your hand. You looked so tiny in them, swallowed by the soft fabric.

You padded to the bathroom and stripped, stepping on the scale, before smiling to yourself. Almost there.

You took a quick, hot shower, relishing in the feeling of each bone of your body as you skimmed your hands over yourself. Water pooled slightly in your collarbones and not on rolls of fat.

You were glowing when you got out, and turned around in the mirror. You counted three ribs on each side of your flat stomach, which concaved ever so slightly when you looked at yourself from the side. Your tiny waist filled out into toned thighs with a gap in between, which dipped back in at the knees to long, thin legs. Your thin hands danced around your tiny neck and prominent collars, tracing the sharp curve of your jawline, moving a few strands of wet hair that clung to your cheek. Your eyes looked bigger and your sharp nose was the same red as the apples of your cheeks, accentuating your soft lips and tiny chin.

You spoiled yourself for a few minutes, turning this way and that, looking at every curve and dip of your body. Finally, when the water sticking to your frame sent a chill through you, a silk robe was pulled up and over your shoulders. Silently, you left the bathroom.

You walked to your closet and opened the sliding door. You watched your thin fingers as they gripped the white wood.

As you had lost weight, you slowly added more and more clothes to your closet. Flowy tops, cute jeans, sweet skirts. Wearing them was a reward in and of itself, once you were able to fit into them. You looked cute and fragile in some, skinny and sharp in others. They each had their own style - and a place in your heart. They were the biggest sign of your progress.

You slipped into a cute, creme colored long sleeve top, relishing in the comfortable feel of the thin, flowy fabric. Your legs were hugged by dark blue, high-wasited jeans that you slid into perfectly. Simple gold bracelets sat on your wrists, and a thin gold chain around your neck.

You looked killer, and posed a bit. The jeans acentuated your thigh gap and thin, lean legs as well as your cinched waist, while the shirt hung low enough to reveal your collarbone, draping off of you in a way that showed how small you were underneath. Your hands were lithe and dainty, your skin fresh and clear.

You moved to your window, spreading the curtains and pulling the sliding glass open. Birds sang and danced around each other, and the hints of city life teemed in the few people walking along the sidewalk. You adored the city. Maple trees grew along the road and charming shops filled the empty space between tall buildings.

The wind blew, billowing the silk curtins out around you as you took in a deep breath. The cool air filled your lungs so beautifully, and your bright eyes fluttered closed.

All your hard work, all the long night curled up in your bed, ignoring hunger pains. Forcing awful-tasting teas down your throat. Losing and gaining, working out until you colapsed, sleeping through the day and binging at night. Your journey was so hard, with just as many downs as there were ups.

But you kept at it, holding on to the dream of a brighter future. Your binges grew smaller and fewer. You coud last longer without food, and it took less for you to feel full. The barest of muscle formed, and working out was less of a chore and more of a hobby. People started commenting on your figure. It was euphoric, fitting into your first XS pair of jeans.

You opened your eyes again, watching the green trees sway in the breeze. They were showing the first hints of autumn, a few crisp leaves turning to the color of honey and roses.

For the first time in a while, you realised, you were happy with where you were.

Before and afters are so motivational.

:-(( follow back similar :-((

Neue Diät: ich darf nur an denen Tagen auf tiktok, an denen ich weniger wiege als am Tag davor

skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris

The Skinny on Skinny

**this post deleted so I’m reposting it** So I recently lost around 8 lbs/4 kg (I think it’s getting closer to 10 but patience is a virtue) and I wanted to make a post about it. I did this during the isolation period aka without any formal use of a gym.

I do follow a bunch of ~thinspo~ accounts as actual inspiration but I am definitely against all eating disorders. Actually, as I read some of the content I get kind of frustrated for them - I understand there’s much more to an ED than food, but some of the things I read are so illogical! The extremist approach to losing weight often only results in gaining weight: don’t eat for a day and a half and then binge on 5000 calories…. like… you would literally be better off just eating 2000 calories for both days. Not to mention a more pleasant daily life.

Not here to shame though, just here to provide genuine tips. I do not condone any unhealthy lifestyle, but I also don’t agree with a lot of the “expert opinions” on nutrition. The bottom line is you need to focus on an overall balanced diet. Don’t worry if you skimp on a certain macro nutrient during one meal (or day) and instead focus on overall balance.

I see articles in magazines where they bitch and moan about how each meal must be accompanied with a balance of carbs, protein, and fat. That thought process is stupid and will lead to over eating. Your two focus points when you eat should be (1) satisfying yourself and (2) intuition based fueling yourself. Going off any other metric - time of day, technical nutritional content of plate, fear you’ll be hungry later, etc. - should be ignored.

Examples:

Just because it’s “lunch time” doesn’t mean you have to eat. If you’re not hungry, who cares! Just skip lunch today! Eating because the clock or society tells you to will lead to over consumption.

You want a muffin for breakfast. Yum. Have that muffin… but “oh no! You don’t have any protein! Better eat some eggs!” NOOOOO!! If you really only want a muffin, just have that as a single item and let it be satisfying! Adding extra food to “round out your meal” is just adding extra calories without necessarily satisfying you more

You have a busy evening coming up - you had a good lunch though, and feel satisfied… but feel like you should still have a big snack in preparation for your busy evening despite not being hungry. NO! Let the hunger come later, don’t eat now just because you’re afraid of it! If you’re really THAT scared, pack a granola bar, but who knows?! Maybe you just won’t be hungry later, and that’s ok too!

This mentality alone will make weight loss easier. Freeing yourself from artificial metrics of food consumption makes a calorie deficit a lot easier, I promise.

However, at the end of the day, losing weight is hard. A calorie deficit is difficult and requires patience, discipline, and a healthy mental approach to eating. You will sometimes feel mildly deprived as you lose weight - but it shouldn’t consume your entire life.

I am currently three main tools during my weight loss process:

Food tracking: MyFitnessPal

This one I use to give myself an honest reflection of my day. While I’m sometimes tempted to lie or skip recording something, I realize that’s not doing me any favors. Some days it sucks when I am over 2000, but then I remind myself that one day of eating won’t make me fat OR skinny. The key thing I look for is the weekly goal because it prevents my progress from being derailed by one bad day. It also allows me to see how I can still occasionally enjoy treats and junk and still maintain an overall calorie deficit and lose weight.

Activity Tracking: Apple Watch and/or my Fitbit

I do this just to make sure I’m moving around. I think staying generally active has been a major boost for my mental health during the isolation - but I also like how being goal oriented. I go at least 5 miles a day - some through formal exercise, some from just walking around my place. I also will input any of my formal fitness into MyFitnessPal on a metric of 1 mile (walked or ran) is -100 calories. NOTE: I only do that as a secondary method of tracking, I still am loyal to my total calories consumed NOT “net calories.”

Weight Tracking: A RENPHO scale

I really like my RENPHO scale for a couple reasons. For starters, they provide a lot of interesting secondary metrics, including BMI, BMR, subcutaneous fat, muscle mass, etc. While I take a lot of the metrics with a grain of salt, it keeps the process fun for me. I also LOVE how it automatically compiles the data into trends so you can see progress! Furthermore, it keeps me honest in that I have to record a weight every day. No skipping. It just keeps me more honest than when I use to track it by hand I would skip days where I was a bit heavier.

So ya… that has been my “weight loss” journey so far. I know it’s not SUPER impressive, but I started at a healthy BMI so an extreme transformation would be both unlikely and unhealthy.

I do plan to keep going - I both like my progress and I think it’s overall a good time to focus on this… like, when else can I avoid restaurants and other fattening activities so easily 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Please keep in mind that this is my Personal experience

175cm / 42.6kg (94lbs)