"I Hate The Lonely And What It Does To Martin."

I regret ✨nothing✨

can u imagine if elias just assumed jon didn’t return martin’s affections and was all “do you want to know what jon sees when he looks at you” to try to hurt martin in s3 and ended up just projecting all of jon’s secret affection right into martins head

i think it’s time to check on my fellow jon kinnies. how are you guys doing during this not so fine day? not well i presume. i sure am not. we should start a therapy group.

I've got reactions starting to listen to episode 62:

Who's this little old lady? She seems sweet?

Why is dear Gertrude so mean to her?

And then the answers to all questions:

Oh. It's Mary Keay.

Aaand it's a Leitner episode, goddamnit.

Go Gertrude, be mean, fuck her up

Well well well, inspiration for my new d&d campaign here I come

How to Bring Someone Back from the Dead

Make sure that it wasn’t their time to die. If it was, do not try to bring them back.

If you’re sure they weren’t meant to die, start preparing for your journey. It will be a long one.

You will need two coats, a quarter, a white rose, a blanket, a flashlight, extra batteries, lots of food and water, and an object of importance to the deceased (a necklace, a beloved book, etc).

Wait until late spring. You’ll want it to be warm out when you return.

Put on some good hiking boots. You’ll be walking for a while.

Enter any forest. The denser the better. Walk until the sun goes down.

Look to your left when it becomes too dark to see.

You will see a white glow in the distance. Walk towards it.

Be careful where you step. Some woods like to trip you.

Remember your loved one’s name.

Say aloud how much you missed them and why you want them back.

The glow will disappear once you reach it. When it does, turn on your flashlight and sit down.

Place the flashlight next to you and go to sleep. Do not be afraid. If you’ve made it this far, then the forest in on your side. It will not let you be harmed.

When you awake, the sun will be up.

Turn off your flashlight and put it back in your bag.

You will be standing just outside of a fairy ring. Do not enter it.

Take out your food and water. Eat some, but leave the rest at your feet.

Step into the ring and place the quarter on the ground, tails up.

Tell your loved one you are coming for them. They will not hear you.

The quarter will sink into the ground. You may now enter the Underworld.

Put on one of the coats. It will be very cold.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are sinking into the ground. Do not open them until you smell smoke.

When you open your eyes, you will be underground. A tunnel will stretch out before you.

Replace the batteries in your flashlight. It will get dark very soon

Follow the tunnel. You will feel cold. This is normal.

You will soon come across a small house. Knock on the door.

A dark-haired woman will open it. There is something wrong with her eyes. Do not stare.

She will ask you for something pretty. Give her the rose

She will smile at you and invite you in for something to eat. Enter the house, but politely refuse any food.

Talk to her for a while. She likes the company.

She’ll tell you a secret. Pretend that it doesn’t bother you.

Eventually, she will give you an item. I do not know what it will be. It’s different for everyone.

Thank her for being so kind. She wasn’t always like this.

Say goodbye and exit the house. Continue down the tunnel

You will be walking for a long time. If you need to sleep, do so. When you wake up, continue walking.

You will find food in your bag. Do not eat any of it.

You will get to a river guarded by the woman you met before. Do not ask her how she got here so fast.

Say hello and show her the item she gave to you. She will take it and give you your flower back.

You are now allowed to cross the river. Get in the boat. Don’t think about how it wasn’t there before.

Let the boat take you to the other shore. The fog will make it hard to see. Trust me that it’s better that way

When you get off the boat, the fog will be too dense to see clearly.

You will start to come across wandering souls. They will not care that you are here. They are too miserable.

The silence will be unbearable. Hum a song to yourself.

You’ll be wandering around for a while. Don’t give up hope. You’ll find them soon.

When you do, softly say hello.

They will not remember you. Don’t take this personally. They don’t remember themselves either.

Don’t touch them, not yet.

Their eyes will seem far away. It’s alright. They are listening.

Talk to them for a while. Don’t give your name and do not tell them theirs. They don’t trust you yet.

They’ll soon realize you are alive. When they do, answer their questions about the world above.

Ask them if they are cold. The answer will be yes.

Offer them the coat you are wearing. It will already be warm. You have body heat, they do not.

When they take it. Put on your other coat.

At this point, they will ask if you know them. Say yes and tell them their name.

They will like having an identity again. Try not to cry when they smile.

Hand them their item of importance. It will help them trust you.

Tell them your name and ask them if they want to leave.

If they say yes, take their hand. They will feel like a corpse. Try not to let this faze you.

Do not let go of their hand.

Walk back to the river. You will find it. The Keepers don’t like the Living in the Underworld.

The woman you met earlier will be there. Give her the rose again. She will give you back the item from her house.

Get in the boat.

When you reach the shore, exit the boat.

Your loved one will have some trouble keeping up. They are exhausted. The dead cannot eat or sleep, no matter how much they want to.

Keep walking. Try not to notice how hungry you are.

Do not eat the food in your bag.

While you walk, talk to your loved one. They don’t know it, but they’ve missed you.

They will trip and fall at some point. They are very tired.

They will start to cry. Don’t let this break your heart. Instead, tell them they will be able to rest soon.

For now, pick them up and carry them in your arms. Don’t worry, they will be very light.

Try not to notice that they aren’t breathing. It will only make you feel sick.

Keep talking. They will be too tired to respond, but they are listening.

When you see the woman’s house, tell your loved one that you’re almost there.

Keep walking and don’t turn around.

You’ll feel something watching you.

Don’t turn around. Please.

You’ll notice you’ve stopped talking. Start humming that song again. It will help stave off the fear.

Stop walking and place your loved one on the ground. Pull out the blanket and wrap them in it. Pick them up again and keep going. You’re almost there.

You’ll see a light up ahead. Feel the relief flooding through you and run towards it.

When you step out of the fairy ring, immediately place your loved one on the ground.

Encourage them to breathe. They will have forgotten how to.

When they start to breathe again, retrieve the food that you left on the ground earlier.

They’ll want to fall asleep. Make sure they eat and drink before they do so.

They will be very cold. Do whatever you can to keep them warm.

Thank whatever gods you believe in for letting you bring them back.

Go to sleep. Nothing will harm you here.

When you wake, do not disturb your loved one. They haven’t slept in so long. Wait until they wake up on their own.

Take them home. They will not remember you at first, but they will regain their memories soon.

Don’t tell them how they died. It’s best if they don’t know.

Spend time with them. Most people don’t get a second chance.

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I was digging around TF2 sound files and I thought these were pretty cute so I compiled them. Rare sound files that are sometimes used in-game when Miss Pauling gives you a contract.

tainted love but scout

So... How do I feel about Jonathan Sims trying to clear Elias Bouchard's name because he did nothing wrong other than smoke weed, have a very weird job interview and become the recipient for that pompous voyeur that goes by the name Jonah Magnus?

*crying* G-Good. I'm not having feelings for the bastard man, you are. Shut up.

And I know it could've just been Jon trying to just go all: "That is not correct. Because according to the encyclopedia of 👁️✨"

But let me just i m a g i n e.

My vision for a Carmilla adaption is them leaning into both the fact that the novella is a confession and also that Laura is a liar. I want Laura to narrate that she absolutely didn’t fuck Carmilla while onscreen she fucks Carmilla. My vision.

Gotta love the duality of Peter Lukas!

One second he's being all funny;

And the other he brings me an ungodly amount of unbridled rage

If you've seen the finale of season four, you know what I'm talking about.

I swear to fuck if he, all this time, has been working with Elias to "UnLeASh tHE aRcHIviST's tRue PoWeR" I will wreak havoc.